Day "Off" Thoughts

______________________________

I went to sit at a coffee shop on Wednesday this past week. I wanted to spend some time alone, and to hopefully recharge because I have been feeling worn out and stretched thin as of late.

As I was sitting, I found myself trying to "adequately" fill my time with something productive.

I love spending time alone, in fact I need it, but I feel like I am wasting time if I'm not doing filling my schedule.

Is anyone else like this? Having trouble being content sitting with ourselves in the moment?

You wouldn't try to work on a project or budget if you met up with a friend for coffee, would you? You would focus on that person and the moment you were in. So why is it so hard to let ourselves rest, and sit in that moment?

I kept wanting to work on multiple entries for my blog, or work on my family's budget. Both good and necessary things. I also found myself constantly picking up my phone to scroll social media to see what had happened the last ten minutes (Spoiler Alert: Nothing was new).

Even knowing there would be no new posts, I find myself scrolling my news feeds and realized as I was doing so, I was robbing myself of actual alone time.

I've recently discovered social media can be as draining as spending the day with a large group of people; I find I am either comparing myself with others, judging (others or myself), or zoning out completely.

My resolution for this year is to be more intentional, and I haven't been succeeding in that area. I am finding it incredibly difficult to alter my daily schedule or routine I have been in for sometime now.

Maybe becoming more intentional will help me rest in these sweet moments I can create for myself. Realizing the moments as I'm in them and as they come, to appreciate their worth and to know myself more will take practice. However, once I realized I was trying to busy myself, I was able to put everything aside and just rest.

I believe we all have this small voice, however quiet, that says "Hey you've already checked your phone 3 times in the past 15 minutes", or "Take a break, and focus on yourself for a moment", or ever "this task can wait another hour or so, do some yoga, go for a walk, get a small workout in".

I am starting to think that tuning into that voice is a great step in being more intentional. It's a reminder of what I'm not making time for or what I'm refusing to do. Sometimes it even says "Hey go tidy up a bit, and shut off the TV". It may be hard, and I will probably have to talk myself into it, but it is always worth tuning into.