Hubby Q&A

How my husband dealt with my postpartum depression.

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Just a mini post on how my hubs dealt with my PPD.

*As always please let me know if you have any questions for myself or him*

Q: What did you do to help cope with my PPD?

A: *Disclaimer* I didn't always handle it well. Most of the time I didn't handle it well. I would get angry, and hopeless. I felt like it would never end. When I was healthy (mentally and emotionally) I was able to completely separate the PPD from you. I had to continually tell myself that it wasn't you, you weren't yourself. I had to cling to hope.

Q: I know you frequently read up on PPD - did that help you as a husband and new father?

A: Oh yeah, I read a lot of articles and blogs, from both the woman's and man's perspective. Being educated about what was happening in your body, and what PPD is was extremely helpful. It gave me hope to know the things you were saying and doing weren't really against me.

Q: What would you change if you could go back?

A: I would probably seek more help from my friends who are also dads. When I did talk to others about it, it helped me feel less alone. I would definitely be more open about what we were going through.

Q: What was the hardest part of PPD for you?

A: Feeling like I had lost my wife and who I thought she was. I kept asking myself "who did I marry?"

Q: Is there anything you think you could have done to help me through it? Or maybe something you did do that I didn't pay attention to?

A: There was one day talking with our pastor about how bad things were and he talked about "reading and setting the temperature in a room". When I would come home from work I would assess how you were doing. I would ask how your day was; if I received backlash I would let it go, not harbor the hurt and leave the room to try and figure out if you wanted to be alone or not. I would try not to let things heat up. There were days when you would talk to me a little, and seemed kind of friendly, so i would just hang out to read the situation a bit more.

Q: Is there anything you regret during this time?

A: Reacting. Whether in anger, or passive-aggressively. I also regret getting so caught up in how we were doing that I failed to really focus on the fact we had just brought home an amazing baby boy and we were all healthy.

Q: Anything else you'd like to add?

A: Expectations. I had to learn to prepare myself for coming home from work, or even walking into the same room as you. Because I believe the best in people, I can come back the best day believing things will be different and better. I expected that from you, that things would be better tomorrow. I usually got my expectations up too high for how you were feeling, or how you would act.

Hopefully this can help you and/or your SO with troubleshooting PPD and how to maneuver it. It's real. It can definitely be a monster, but it can also a manifest in different ways. It does end eventually, although there is not hard and fast timeline. Try to love each other in small ways - you may have to force it at times, and that is okay. Keep holding onto hope.

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